A Parent's Story

Our ADHD Story So Far…

 

Our son is a fraternal twin, so you would think it would be easy to determine that something was different from his brother.   Our son with ADHD has always been a very compassionate, happy, and sweet child.  Our biggest fear when he was a young boy was that he would go with anyone, so we were very protective of him.  He was very physically brave and enjoyed new situations.  He enjoyed exploring and was a very curious child.  We had no behavior issues with him, aside from some stubbornness that was a phase when he was transitioning from a crib to a regular bed; he thought that was permission to roam at-will for example, but otherwise nothing out of the ordinary to us.  He even potty-trained more quickly than his brother.  His brother has always been the leader of the two and our son with ADHD seemed to be fine with this dynamic. 

 

As he got a little older, we tuned in more to the fact that he did not always listen or comply like his brother.  Again, perhaps a little stubborn, or so we thought.  The only cause we could think of was autism.  Around this time, he had his four-year check-up with our pediatrician.  I (his mother) said that he was not making good eye contact and I was worried that he may have autism.  I really know nothing specific about autism, but it is in the media so much.  The pediatrician asked why I would think our son had autism, as he did not see any indication, which was part of the pediatrician’s protocol.  I stated that it was when I was correcting or directing him. I was told that this was normal, as males frequently tune out women’s voices and practice avoidance. 

 

The pediatrician did say that he found our son to make good eye contact during the exam.  The pediatrician was male and had young children of his own, so we did not press.  These are our first and only children.   Perhaps if we had mentioned climbing, it would have been more of an indicator.  Also, our thought about ADHD was that a child would be hyperactive and lack focus.  So, we did consider ADHD as a possibility.   

 

Later that week, I was in the bedroom with our son with ADHD.  We completed an activity, and I asked him to help cleanup.  He was not listening, and I said out loud, “You just don’t hear me.”  He stopped what he was doing and looked me directly in the eye and said, “I heard you.”  It seemed to confirm what the pediatrician said. 

 

Our sons were home until they entered transitional kindergarten (TK).  We went to a private TK as there was an after-school program which made the experience seamless.  In our first progress meeting with the teacher mid-year, we were caught off guard when she said that our son now diagnosed with ADHD came to school “ready to learn” and showed great enthusiasm.  We were surprised as his twin brother was much more verbal. Our son with ADHD became more verbal and really enjoyed his learning environment.  In fact, he was sick from TK one day about a month after our sons started TK and I took him to run errands later in the afternoon.  He was almost five.  I called my husband to say that he had found his voice.  He started to just to talk and talk and honestly, it has continued.   It is like a spigot was turned on.

 

We got used to his many stories and fostered his imagination.  In fact, at graduation from TK, our son with ADHD was told his greatest attribute was imagination.  At one point, our son had us call him June Bug because he said he was a June Bug.  He also learned everything about dinosaurs and made up a new species of dinosaur, which he identified as for a while.   

 

There was one incident at school that was not so positive. I came to pick up my boys and the son with ADHD had chalk marks on him.  I asked what happened and was told that he let some kids write on him and that he seemed to think it was funny and fine.  I won’t go in to my displeasure, but this was an indication that he did not interact with other kids the same way as his brother. 

 

In kindergarten, his teacher noticed that he would finish his assignments quickly and so she would allow him to turn the page over and color with colored pencils.  She did say that she noticed he was still listening and would understand the next assignment as he was coloring.  We should have picked up on this clue, but he was doing well.  We did let his teacher know in the first grade that this might be a good way to keep him busy. He performed better in school than his brother. 

 

Both of our sons are in a dual language immersion program and our son with ADHD picked up Spanish more rapidly and became fluent more quickly.  However, making friends was much more difficult for him.  We believe his imagination and the way he articulated it prevented him from being able to connect with other children.  He had to find other kids who were interested in speaking about the topic that he was into at the time.  He also had his brother, so this challenge was masked a bit.  To this day, it breaks my heart when he says another child at school is his best friend, because I am not sure the other child feels the same way. 

 

Because his first-grade teacher was out a lot due to a pregnancy, first grade was kind of a bust as far as learning about anything that was happening.  Second grade was much better, and we did not have as many concerns.  Yes, still not connecting as well with some kids, but he seemed to be social and was doing alright in school.  We did get worried at one point as his grades were not as high, and we asked if we should pull him out of dual immersion.  We were told his Spanish was really good and that he just needed some time maturing and organization skills to develop.  He did get bullied in school during this year by another child with major behavioral issues.  The school kept that other child from the same classroom the remaining time in elementary school.  There was another incident in sixth grade where he was targeted by two boys who shoved him up against a shipping container in the play yard.  If it wasn’t for a therapist later that summer, we may not have known.  Our son does realize to some extent that it is hard for him to make friends. 

 

We did notice at this time that he was picking at his fingernails. Not chewing but picking.  We tried to keep it under control as much as possible by keeping his nails short and asking about this habit.   In third grade his two teachers (English and Spanish) spoke to us and said they thought he had ADHD.  We made an appointment with the pediatrician who referred us to the specialty doctor.  The teachers and our household filled out the packet and the doctor reviewed it.  The specialist said that one teacher’s answers indicated ADHD and that the other’s did not.  The specialist did say that our son did not have a strong H, which meant it was more difficult to identify. 

 

What the specialist said next was eye-opening.  He spoke about hyper focus.  We always thought ADHD meant, as previously stated, lack of focus along with hyperactivity.  Our son gets very focused on Legos, dinosaurs, sharks, bugs, etc.  He becomes a master at these subjects.  As we have also stated, his imagination and curiosity are tremendous.  If you are looking for additional symptoms, even though he does not have a strong H, his anxiousness manifested itself with more picking at his fingers.  It wasn’t until he was on medication that this habit subsided.

 

Once we received the diagnosis (which was in the middle of his 3rd Grade year) we were able to have our son placed on a 504 Plan, with the support of the specialist. However, we should note that the school (apparently in accordance with school district policy) was resistant and actually told us that our son would have just as good a chance of success without a formal 504.  We disagreed and insisted that our son be provided a formal 504 that was fully executed by his teachers and the school’s administration.  This occurred very near the end of his 3rd grade year, which complicated matters going forward since the school district’s policy is to review and amend 504 plans on their anniversary, meaning that every year since then the changes to his 504 Plan that should have been implemented at the start of the school year were deferred until the year was almost over. Our difficulties and frustration endure to this day.

 

We won’t say it has been easy since receiving his diagnosis and putting him on medication.  It has not.  Finding the right dosage and the right therapist have both been difficult.  We have continued to have difficulty with the school district and our frustration has increased as the years have gone by.  Since he started middle school (seventh grade), it has been really difficult even with a 504.  Instead of a 504, we should have pushed for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP).  But we are still in the dark so much about this diagnosis.  We are still trying to get the support he needs.  We think that because our son, who does not have a strong H, is a) not hyperactive, b) not a discipline issue, c) is a very nice and respectful child, d) has a twin for his social outlet, and e) is very bright, his disability is not seen. His “middle school brain,” as a teacher put it, is due to medication to get him to that point.  

 

Our son is much more capable than an average middle school kid but cannot excel as a result of his challenges. 

 

Our advice:

 

• Trust your instincts. 

• Push for evaluations. 

• Be an advocate even if it means that you are not making friends with the medical staff or the school district. 

 

We hope our story will help someone else be able to catch this sooner and get intervention sooner.